http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouKJixL--ms - All I have to say is this is just fucking stupid.

Well, I have to say things went fairly well today. We had Academic Team District today at McLean County, and we did very well. Even though we failed to beat Edmonson County (once again), we still placed 2nd in Quick Recall and 2nd Overall. I placed 2nd in Math and 5th in Social Studies Written Assessment. A lot of my teammates placed also, and props goes out to them. For a few of them, this was their first district competition and they all did well. On top of that, Kentucky won their basketball game against Arkansas after coming back from being 14 down in the second half. Maybe they are improving. I hope. But, the best thing that happened to me all day was that Rachael finally said yes and we are dating now. Life couldn't be much better. (I do have a runny nose which is quite aggravating, though. I guess everything can't go well.)

So, I started a new blog: http://brian002110.blogspot.com This blog is going to be more serious and intelligent than my livejournal. I will continue to bitch and rant here, though, if you care.

WHY DO I ALWAYS FUCK EVERYTHING UP!?

Well its a new year (I am a little late with that one), and so far nothing special has happened. I am still having the best school year of my life, especially with the recent news that I got a $10k a year scholarship to Transy, which isn't bad at all. It is more than I expected and I am quite pleased. But, while things seem great, there are always those little things that you always worry about and stress over. Of course, there is college and what I am going to do the rest of my life. Personally, I have no clue. First of all, I have to worry about how I am going to pay for college. I have the $10,000 scholarship from Transy, and I know I am going to get plenty of grants and stuff. But, I am not going to get that many outside scholarships (I am hoping to get at least one), and I have no clue how I am going to pay for the rest of college if I don't get that much money. Even after I do figure out how to pay for it and I start going to college, I still have no clue what I am going to do with my life. I want to major in history and foreign language, but where that will take me I don't know. There aren't many professions out there that want people with that kind of major besides a teacher obviously. No one specific field of work has ever caught my eye and made me say, "Wow. When I get older I want to do that." It kind of worries me that I have no sense of direction of what I really want to do with my life. It makes everything seem so purposeless - like I am living my life for nothing in particular.
And of course, there is always that one thing in the back of every guy's mind that bothers them constantly - girls. Yeah, yeah. I know. You don't really want to hear about it. But, do I care? No. So shut up. I just have one question. Am i really not that attractive? I know that I am overweight and that I may come across as an ass, but damn. Is there even one girl in this world that somewhat likes me in any sense? I don't believe there is, and that really disappoints me. I know that it is something that I shouldn't worry about, but I always do, as does every other guy. I am done rambling for now. How I managed to keep politics, religion, or bashing someone out of this post, I don't know. But I did and that makes me happy.

I got my acceptance letter from Transy today. It wasn't a surprise. I knew I would get in. Yet I have a great feeling of pride and content. Its an odd feeling. I am excited about the future though. College is getting closer, and I can't wait.

Christmas. A time of giving; a time of sharing. Well, thats what it was supposed to be. Now, its just a time for people to take a break from their mundane lives and have a little fun. Believe me, I am not complaining. I don't know what I would do without Christmas. But, this holiday always brings me some sadness - the reason for this being the whole idea of presents of giving. All my life I have known that my family was a little on the poor side. No big deal. I could manage, and I am still here so I guess that is proof. This year is a little different, though. In case all of you don't know, my dad had triple-bypass surgery a couple months ago and things haven't been that good since. For one thing, the surgery didn't go too great. Not only did he have to have bypass surgery, but he also got a bad case of pneumonia and one of his lungs collapsed. So, that complicated things a little. Since he got home from the hospital he has been improving little by little, but he still has a lot of problems with his blood pressure and just breathing. This isn't the bad part though. We all know that with time and rehab he will be doing better in no time. The bad part is that we have no money coming in. Well, let me take that back. My mom works at Trim Masters. So, we do have a source of income but not enough to support 6 people, especially when one is in college. My dad has tried to sign up for disability and social security and all of those good fall-backs that our government is supposed to supply for people in need, but none of it has been successful. His heart doctor still expects him to go back to work this week and start being a carpenter like nothing ever happened. I keep asking myself how in the world he is supposed to do this when he can't even walk 10 steps without having to stop and breathe.
In writing this I am not asking for any sympathy. I don't want it. You can keep it for yourself. I am just getting stuff off of my chest which has been bothering me a lot lately. I figured this was the best way to do it. But, out of all my problems that I have had in life, I say this one has to be the worst. It sucks being poor. It really does. I can deal with having a dysfunctional family, being fat, and not being accepted by many people. But, I am having a hard time dealing with this. It sucks to know that you can't go out and have fun with your friends or even rent a movie, much less pay your bills and support your family. I know that this has to be killing my mom and dad, but it kills me too. I can't help but think about my little sisters and the life they will have if this continues to progress. This happening around Christmas time doesn't help much either. Christmas is the one time of the year where you are allowed to have all of the fun you want and just relax. But, its hard to do that without money. Getting presents for friends is impossible, and that really sucks. I have the best friends anyone can ask for, and it would be really nice to get them something for Christmas, but I can't. Right now we don't even have enough money to get my little sisters hardly anything for Christmas, and that really blows. The one thing you look forward to all year as a kid is Christmas, and to know that they won't have a good one isn't fair. It just isn't.

It has been a really long time since posted on here (about 3 months); and to tell you the truth, not much has happened. But, I guess that is the story of my life. Nothing ever seems to happen here in the middle of nowhere, and that disappoints me much. I am still alive though, which is always a good thing. And in case you care (Nobody does. Who am I kidding?), here is a recap of this school year so far: It has been fun. LOL. None of my classes are that great from an intellectual viewpoint (Hackley can't teach English; Calculus is a joke; French is full of dumbasses; and don't even get me started on Political Science). But, from a social stance, life has been pretty good. My friends and I (such small group it is) have been having a lot of fun. The reason for this being that its our senior year and we are running out of time to hang out and act like kids. One of the worst realizations that have hit me this year - I only have one more year (not even a whole year) to be a kid. After I leave high school I will have to grow up and become an adult. Ugh. I cringe at the thought. I have always said that I wanted to grow up and be on my own and do adult things, and I still want to. But not right now necessarily. It finally seems like this year I am getting a hold on my life and figuring out who I am as a person, and then its off to college. No time to enjoy this feeling. It sucks. At the same time though, I feel more mature and grown-up than ever before. It is an odd combination of emotions, and yet somehow I feel so stable. I have also discovered a lot of things this year that have always been there; I just haven't noticed them until now. Especially people and their true selves. I have been able to see how people actually are and their real personalities. Sometimes it has been a good thing, but most of it has been bad. I have known most of my friends for a very long time, and it is shocking to me that I have just now noticed how they truly are. Oh well. I guess it is just another part of growing up.
And of course, those life questions still linger with me as always. Questions like: What is life? How did it start? Who in the fuck started it? Why in the hell are girls like they are? Why can't I get a girlfriend? Why do I have to be fat? And, how in the hell can George Bush and the US get any worse? The sad thing is, none of these questions have been answered this year. A lot of debate has come up over the topic of religion. I have found that it is a very touchy subject with me, which is odd considering I am not a religious person. Well, I really don't know what I am to tell you the honest truth. I have always found it difficult to be one of those people who believe everything that is told to them without questioning it. Thats the reason why I can't settle on a religion. First of all, I have no clue who created the Earth, how they did it, when they did it, or why they did it. Nobody does, and no one ever will. This is one question I will always be asking myself. Secondly, why in the hell are religious people such hypocrites. They preach love, peace, loyalty, and helpfulness, but how many of them actually practice this? Not many. I have found that hardcore Christians are the most judgmental, hateful people I have ever met. They are not open-minded at all. Everyone who is not exactly like them and who differ in their beliefs are evil and are going to hell. Whatever. Give me a break. Geez.
Girls.... yeah. Well, I don't have much to say here except that I don't have a girlfriend and I will never understand how they think. Yet no matter how much they annoy me and piss me off, I still find myself fascinated by them. LOL. There are girls out there I like, yes, but none of them will ever give me a chance. Why? Because I am fat. What kind of reason is that? Yeah, I am fat. Not real fat, but fat. Do you think I am that way by choice??? Sure. Thats exactly it. I like being fat. Its fun to have people crack jokes at you all the time and not being able to get a girlfriend. Maybe you should try it sometime. You would have a blast. Since when did people start worrying about image only? I'll tell you when. When the media and television were invented. LOL. Damn television.
Anyway, I think I am done rambling for tonight. Maybe will start posting again, maybe not. I guess it just depends on what mood I am in. Not like anyone cares anyway. Only 1 or 2 people will read this, and then they will think I am crazy. Oh well. I don't care anymore. Later haters. (LOL. I am so black).

I know that this is my last year in high school and that I am 17 years old, but why does that make such a difference in how I feel about life now. Everything seems so much more important now, even the little things. School is going great and I am having the time of my life there. But,what I think is getting to everyone is their emotions. Sure, we have fun at school while we are hanging out with our friends, but that is mostly because we forget about everything else. We are just living in that moment and have no other worries at that time. But, when we sit around at home and get to thinking about things, our emotions overwhelm us. I know that mine do, and I think that I am speaking for a couple of other people as well. I think that right now two things are bothering me really bad. First, there is the pressure of college: where am I going to go, what I am going to do, how am I going to spend the rest of my life? Then, there are girls. The problem that every guy has at all times. Yet, for some reason, right now seems to be the time which they seem the most important. I have a girlfriend, and she is great. I love her with all my heart. Over this summer she has helped make my life what it is. But, the one problem we have is that ever since she started Indy racing stuff, she has been really busy and doesn't seem to have that much time for me. It doesn't help that she moved to California and is only here every once in a while. I would love to have a girlfriend here where I could be with her all the time and have lots of fun. But, to tell you the truth, I don't believe that any girl here is interested in me at all. And I know that no one is reading this, so they aren't going to know that I do care what people think about me, even though I may not act like it. It is all a facade. LOL. Oh well. Enough ranting for now. No one cares anyway and I have made myself sound like a huge idiot.

I HATE CALCULUS!!! IT FUCKING BLOWS!